Breakup

She broke up with me this time.

Just want to record this feeling cuz it seems so familiar.

You spend every other waking moment thinking about them, wondering what small happiness you can offer them today. And then you find out that they didn’t actually care about you for the last few weeks or months. That they were just waiting for an opportunity to tell you that they don’t want to see you ever again, that your relationship is not even worth maintaining as friends, that you were just a puddle to dip a toe into before deciding to venture into deeper, wider pools.

Looking back at the signs:

• admitted “I love you” one night and she didn’t respond
• she stopped suggesting fun things to do
• her reluctance to invite me to events with her friends
• she wasn’t there for me when I was sad
• her parents weren’t as curious or warm on my last few visits

Looking back at the good times:

• wandering through sprouts
• driving out to watch lightning fall over the bay at night
• driving around with floppy, broken windshield wipers
• learning sign language together
• listening to her practice violin
• swing dancing together

Just like the time before last, it came down to communication.